When challenging behaviours occur, the number of reactive responses to choose from is never ending. Is it time for comfort? Is it time for strict rules? Without knowing more, it’s nearly impossible to know in the moment what is best for your child.
Working proactively and creating meaningful strategies to help support your child is the best way to improve their reactions to adverse situations, improve their ability to communicate the problem, and improve their emotional resilience and regulation by themselves. These proactive strategies range from skills training, to knowing what are the triggers, to changing their environment to what may acknowledge their needs more.
Skills training does not mean turning quality time into therapy sessions. Skills training can be using every day life, when things are calm, to promote positive behaviours in your child. At home, in school, or in the community, when your child exhibits the behaviours they struggle with in crisis, encourage it! Reinforce their great work to motivate them to do it more often. Creating the routine for your child of correct behaviour leads to encouragement, and access to what they’re looking for, will lead to strengthening their ability to do it more often, even in scenarios where they may occasionally fall short.
For example, if your child starts to shout or becomes aggressive when they are asked to do something they don’t want, or when things are not going their way, teaching alternative responses such as asking for a break, or asking for more time, in calm settings, is a great way to carry these skills over to the more intense situations. During the difficult times of tantrums, or high stress environments, a shift in thinking from ‘how do I stop this’ to ‘what skills would best support my child here?’ Once that answer is found, these skills
can be implemented into everyday life, with encouragement and reinforcement, to motivate and generalise it across the board.
No therapist or book will ever know your child as well as you do. Seeking help is a great way to learn strategies and to support your family, but difficult situations will arise. Knowing the triggers to behaviours of concern is the cornerstone of preventing them from escalating. Some common triggers include tiredness, certain steps in their daily routine, or even loud noises in busy areas.
Learning and highlighting these triggers, and finding ways to cut the routine of trigger – response – tantrum creates a huge step in lowering the incidence of these behaviours. For example, if your child has had a bad night’s sleep and is more susceptible to oppositional behaviour, use this awareness to lower the demands placed that day wherever possible. One day of less expectation is not a sign of regression as some parents may fear, it is a simple method in allowing your child to feel safe and take on the day, even when they are not at their best. Give
them a break on some of the everyday challenges they face. Acknowledging this, along with working on improving their coping and problem solving skills, will only allow your child to become stronger and more resilient for the future. If we can identify what tends to happen
before the behaviour, we have a great opportunity to adjust the environment before your child is overwhelmed.
Before asking if your child could cope with a situation better, is it possible to ask yourself if you can make the situation easier to cope with? Sometimes things need to be done, dentist trips, doctors visits, homework, no one wants to tackle these things and this cannot be changed, but before worrying about how you will respond to a possible behaviour, seek out ways to facilitate your child. Planning in advance is a great method, but how the plan is communicated can be equally as important. Visual schedules, social stories, reciting the plan before bed or in the morning, can open the opportunity for your child to voice their concerns, or to prepare mentally, and emotionally before the event.
However, some things can be changed and don’t need to be done as they always are. If toileting is another trigger for your child, could it be the timing of your asking? Could it be done during a more stress free time of day? Introducing self-advocacy of allowing your child to choose when these things are done can go a long way. Similarly, adjusting the environment can help keep your child happy, and focussed when needed. At a school table for example, does your child need a pile of books, paper, and pens on the table with them?
Preventing the possible behaviours of concern before they happen by adjusting this to a clean, distraction free environment is a simple step that can make a significant change, and lower the stress your child may face of remaining focused through the challenges.
We don’t need to wait for a behaviour of concern to present itself before taking action. In fact, proactive strategies create a safer and more calm environment for you and your child. Proactive strategies include teaching your child important skills through your everyday routines, or through additional assistance from teachers, or therapists, knowing the triggers to shift the environment, how things are presented, or even change your child’s focus, and by making the world as predictable as possible to create a safe environment.
Creating applicable reactive strategies will always be needed, but proactively creating skills and routines to support your child can limit occurrences of behaviours of concern and allow your child to be happy and safe. Always remember that you don’t need to face these challenges alone, or wait for a crisis point to seek help. The right guidance can give your family the tools it needs to create a more positive, and creative life.
About the author
David Pollard
Behaviour Specialist / therapist
@behaviourbydavid
info@davidpollardtherapy.com